1-13-10
There is so much that I have to say to all of you beautiful people, but as per usual I get all clammy when I try to write but lets just push through this.... Today has been yet another producitve day, I'm curently in the IRC (where the Peace Corps computers are) listening to music and enjoying how few volunteers are in here, its really quite pleasant. I'm doing a bunch of organzing for GLOW and I must say I feel pretty good about myself (it takes so little....one powerpoint and some emails and I'm on top of my own little pedestal...). But whatever it feels great to be doing something. I've been on med hold in Lilongwe for about two weeks now and I can't say thats the best scenario for ones mental health and general well being. I mean its good for my clav but one starts to get a little stir crazy after about three, four days, so when you start talking weeks, you're dealing with a powerful level of angst. Really its not that bad, its just I didn't join Peace Corps to hang out, watch movies, and drink beer which is a lot of what happens when you hang around the house. Not that I don't enjoy those activities but you know what I'm saying. I need to be in my community, doing work, sorting out how to take what it is a believe in and turn it into something tangible that can actually impact peoples lives as well as keep me employed. I should be going back on Friday, I think I'm going to try to hitch up to site which isn't anything out of the norm. In fact I am actually quite a good hitcher but this time I am going to try to hitch with Uchi. Not sure how thats going to pan out, I'll meditate on my travel plans, its always an adventure getting around so I'm sure this will be no different.
So yeah the last two months or so have been unusual to say the least. From talking to others volunteers in my group I get the general sense that the six month mark is kind of a time of re-evaluation. I know quite a few of the kids in my group are having a tough time now defining their roles in their communities and where they want to go with their work, this leads me to believe some of the angst I have been having of recently is just part of the process. I suppose I could expand on and attempt to describe this angst of mine or as I’m sure we’ve all had enough of such things, I could just talk about Lilongwe. I keep meaning to better describe Lilongwe and then putting it off for one reason or another (ie laziness) but as I’m pretty much living here now, it seems like the right time. It’s a crowded place Lilongwe and I take pride in my ability to navigate the city with ease and grace. The first couple times I came to Lilongwe simple acts like crossing the road took a lot out of me. There’s a whole other set of rules of the road here, the most important being, cars do not yield to pedestrians. Initially when I wanted to cross the street I would look for the nearest Malawian who was crossing and shadow them but now I boldly throw myself into the road with a confidence I didn’t know I could muster. I should mention that oft one walks out into the middle of the road and waits there admist traffic to make it to the other side. Sidewalks are scarce in many parts of the city and in most places they are in a state of disrepair which means one just walks in the road. Really the concept that roads are only for cars and bikes doesn’t apply here, it used to surprise me to see so much foot traffic in the roads and highways but that’s just how you get around. I doubt I am in anyway describing this well. I wish I had that capacity because I really do take pride in my maneuvering around the city but you have to have a feel or a sense of the city to really appreciate my accomplishment.
I’ll move onto a favorite topic of mine, food. Lilongwe is food time as one has greater access to a wider selection of food stuffs and if you’re tired of cooking, as you probably are by the time you get into town, then you can eat out. For example during this lengthy stay in Lilongwe I partook of Chinese food (crispy friend eggplant, really very delicious), pizza on multiple occasions, (I order the vegetarian as it has all sorts of delicious veggies but then I ask them to put chicken on it), and Amenia’s which has tasty steak. I did a surprising amount of baking, chocolate chip cookies which turned into what may have been the best chocolate chip cookie muffins ever and two different cakes, one with a peanut butter frosting and the other with a coffee glaze sprinkled with coconut. I also discovered what may be my new favorite quick, easy, tasty city treat and that is the yoggie. Yoggie’s are as you may have deduced, yogurt. But rather than coming in little plastic cups yoggies come in plastic bags that one tears a small hole in with their teeth and then sucks yogurt out. Yoggies are a volunteer favorite, for sure. My dearest friend Duncan and fellow health 09er Jake returned from the store with 53 yoggies to enjoy over the course of their stay in town. Many volunteers also have a penchant for freezing yoggies to make an even more delicious treat. The point is I have known about yoggies for sometime but normally the yoggies I have encountered are strawberry and blessed be I (and by I, I actually mean Jake) came upon vanilla yoggies which may very well be the greatest thing ever, so damn delicious I can’t even tell you. So yeah Lilongwe is eating time.
Food brings us to another fun filled Lilongwe tidbit which is the soon to be closed transit house. Its actually much nicer than I thought it would be. I heard it described as a bit of a frat house and therefore had some serious reservations but in and of itself the house is a nice place. Where it losses its niceness and takes on some frat like qualities is when it becomes packed with volunteers. The last night I stayed there (I am actually back in Dwambazi as we speak but I wanted to finish up with my thoughts on Lilongwe before moving on to the present, I’m nearly always writing a few days behind the times)……the house was full in a way I had never seen it full before. There are four rooms in the house, each with around three or maybe four sets of bunk beds, two porches, and around four couches. All of these spaces were filled. I myself had moved a mattress into a comfortable corner, which actually was quite conducive to good sleep. I stole the cozy cubby idea from another volunteer, who upon his return to Lilongwe moved in his own mattress to share the best sleeping corner ever (this should give you a sense of how full of people this house can get, when a corner in a room is prime sleeping property) and when I awoke that final morning in the house, not only were all rooms, couches, porches, and secret corners filled but there was honest to god someone sleeping on the dining room table. It was time to go for sure.
But how food got my thinking about the house is the refrigerator crisis. The fridge at the transit house has been non-functional for two maybe three months. It’s no longer a refrigerator but as Duncan calls it an incubator. Why incubator? Because when a fridge no longer keeps things cool it becomes a box with a door and when perishables are placed in said box, incubation of some of the funkiest bacteria ever ensues. Aside from the periodic influxes of volunteers and the ripeness of what was once a refrigerator (the freezer was still working, theres always a silver lining) the stay at the house was pleasant enough, albeit too long. Uchi had a great time, I got to eat vanilla yoggies and pizza and drink cold beer, had it been a shorter trip I would have had limited complaints, its just one can only do so long in Lilongwe before stir crazy sets in and we all know how well I do with too much time on my hands. Believe it or not there is so much goodness about Lilongwe and my exploits there that I am leaving out but its late and tomorrow will be my first day back at work, (fourth day back at site) and I want to make sure I have my game face on and as much as I want to paint a clear picture of Lilongwe and what went on there, I am tired of writing retrospectively, it’s a stretch of my creative writing prowess as is and I actually spent about an hour or more gournaling today (this is not a typo I have purposefully written gournaling, it’s a word I stole from Mariel and it continues to amuse me after all these years so just go with it), so really I’ve already pushed my talent to its limit.
1-19-10
Oh to be back home…..it’s been a long time coming…. Where to begin? It feels good to be back. South Africa had its charms, like sushi, lots and lots of sushi. And Lilongwe had its pleasant moments, for sure. But being out of site for almost three months (if you include IST) produced feelings of stir craziness and restlessness that I am much relieved to be rid of….. So I have been trying to write for probably an hour or so and its not going well. I made some soup and an egg, paired with an avocado it was a most excellent dinner, smoked several cigarettes, fed Uchi, thought about showering, and wandered around the house thinking about things I could write. There’s a whole shit ton I’d like to say about being back at site (the gist of it is it’s going well) but alas my blogging powers appear to be failing me. I thought aimlessly rambling might get me over the hump but not sure it’s going to happen.
1-21-10
Sick day!!! I think my body’s powers of warding off the old fecal to oral have been diminished and so it was last night at 2:20 AM I found myself overcoming fears of creepy crawlies and darkness and hauling ass to the chim (it turns out fear of crapping ones pants is greater than fear of the dark). On perhaps my fourth emergency trip outside I found myself thinking of those Pepto commercials, you know the ones I’m talking about, “gotta go gotta go gotta go right now……” and how inadequate they are to describe a true crisis of the bowel. But really all is well, aside from the fact that I am down to the end of my last roll of toilet paper and I’m not sure if its an item sold at the market. I’ve never tried to buy it in the market, I always buy tp in town but we’ll find out soon enough if its available here.
Relatively busy times here in Dwambazi, which is a good thing in a big way. Although my Chitonga prowess has faded some, my baby weighing skills and patient registering seem to be as strong as ever. I’ve been going into work in the mornings and then just sort of floating around in the afternoons, making sure people know I’m back and that they see me around. Other volunteers have suggested that perhaps my reentry into the community is a bit like starting over and it’s a reasonable assumption to make but not quite accurate. There are some elements of starting over but this time round I actually have some sort of competency which makes me feel pretty good, granted we are talking about weighing children which is not that difficult a task but still it felt good. It was immensely rewarding on that first day back at work to be able to just go in and get shit going. It’s nice now that I know (for the most part) how service delivery functions at the hospital. I don’t feel like such the bumbling fool anymore. Something else that happened that I thought was probably indicative of progress in terms of my work, is the following; as much as I love baby weighing (that’s not sarcasm I really do love working under five) and I intend to continue to work under five clinics both at the hospital and on outreach, I was kind of itching for something more to do. Not that I haven’t been wanting to get projects going before now but previously just being able to manage running under five felt like an accomplishment and at the time it was. As where now there’s this sense of, okay I enjoy doing under five, I like the work, it’s huge to be out in the community, but there are lots of HSAs here to weigh babies, your job is to develop and implement some projects that improve the general health and well being of the babies you’re weighing. This may be the most inarticulate thing that I have written to date but it seemed important to mention. I’m not sure how to better describe this feeling that I had, it was kind of like seeing my way forward, the inklings of direction and purpose, and really it felt damned good. Perhaps I’m grappling with how to describe my feelings as the feeling I was having bordered on confidence in my work and we all know confidence is not an emotion I am intimately in touch with. In keeping with this confidence boost of mine here are some upcoming events in my life…
Sunday- Meeting with group of girls from Women 2 Women, YESSS!!!!. Bless these girls they kick ass in a huge way. After the girls camp they wanted to form a group so that they could teach other girls in the community what they learned at camp and indeed they have been meeting and teaching classes. They are meeting again this Sunday and I am going to sit in and see the magic unfold. I hope to be doing a lot of work with these girls in the future and as much as I have all sorts of ideas for projects we could do, I know first and foremost I need to step back and let them tell me where they want to go from here. I will suggest this Sunday that we look into getting them registered as a community based organization (CBO), thus opening the door for potential sources of funding and then based on wherever they are at, we will move forward.
Wednesday- My counterpart, Ada Kweve, and I are meeting with group of people living with HIV/AIDS to present on IGAs. Ada and I were thinking of peanut butter making but we’ll see what the group thinks will best suit their needs.
Date unknown, but in the near future: Meeting with Mbiwi health committee about the construction of an under five shelter. This is a project Alex started but left before completing. There is some frustration on my part as Alex did all the paper work for a PCPP grant. A PCPP grant is a Peace Corps Partnership grant which in short means that you the volunteer, partner with someone from home who will fund your project. In this case it was Alex’s parents who were putting up the money but now that he has left his grant no longer stands. So I need to make contact with Alex and see if that money is still available and if it is, excellent, all I need to do is rewrite the grant under my name and we’re done, easiest project ever….If not I need to reapply under a different funding source which shouldn’t be all that complicated, it’s a relatively small project, but we’ll see. I think some of my frustration over taking on this project is that it wasn’t something near and dear to me, so I didn’t want to divert funding from projects I was really invested in and then I thought about that logic and was like, “Wow Megan you are an ass”. You didn’t come here to do things that “make you feel good” you came to help the community meet their goals and Mbiwi’s goal is an under five shelter, they have burnt the bricks, so it’s the least you could do to get them some tin. Now that I have my mind right on the issue I’m ready to take it on.
There’s been a request for me to teach the staff at the hospital to use the computer we received from the district hospital. The plan is to put up a list of dates and times I am available and just let people sign up. Not sure if I’m the best person to be teaching computer skills but I suppose you’ve got to start somewhere.
And of course GLOW. Big GLOW meeting around the 7th of February. We are supposedly having a training in Dedza at that time, if in fact the training takes place it would be the perfect time to have full group participation in GLOW. Before the coordinating team (Vanessa, Duncan, Brittany and Me!!) can really move forward, we need to pick a date as a group (by group I mean all twenty people from health 09’) and a theme, as well as discuss some other general issues. As I have prepared the greatest PowerPoint presentation ever I am so ready.
Oh Peter…..Just when I think he may drive me insane, he does something so fucking cute. I’m sure he senses my permissive nature and sometimes I know he exploits it but by in large we have healthy, not normal, but healthy boundaries. Just now for instance, I told him earlier today that I was sick so I wasn’t up for chatting but nevertheless he reappears and just as I’m about to send him home, he looks at me with those big ass eyes and says, Can I just sit outside and work on my writing so when I start school on Monday I can write really well (mind you this was all said in Tonga), then he sings the ABC song while doing the classic Peter dance. How can you say no to that and really I like having Peter around, he cracks me up as he’s a funny little guy, and he’s left to his own devices as is so he might as well hang out here and play cards, listen to the radio, or draw pictures. As it would seem that Peter has become my responsibility my goal for Monday is to go to school with him and talk to his teachers to make sure he’s going daily as he really needs to be in school not hanging around the local msungu’s house. Currently he has been outside quietly writing for close to half an hour now, we’ll see how long he lasts, bless him. I know he just likes being over here and as long as he’s being respectful, which he is 90% of the time, its fine with me. The other day when I came home he was sleeping on my porch; I had to sneak over his prostrate little body to silently enter the house. I suddenly realize I want to be very careful with the manner in which I am writing about Peter and I want to be clear on the point that I in no way think bad of Peter’s family or that I’m some sort of saint for spending time with him. His mother faces challenges I can’t even begin to imagine and I enjoy Peters company, I owe the bulk of my Tonga competency to the little bugger so really it’s good for me. I just write about Peter a lot as he’s around a lot so he’s an easy subject and I am fond of the little guy in a big way.
In non Peter related events, I went on outreach yesterday. There’s been an outbreak of whooping cough in one of the villages in Dwambazi’s catchement so we were doing mass inoculations. It was a good day, I had woken up kind of lethargic and woebegone but under five outreach lifted my spirits. At the beginning of every under five clinic or health talk that is given the women sing health songs. It is my personal goal to learn all the health songs in the coming months. I will put it on my to do list, I’m back into to do lists, clearly trying to keep motivated and structured. No matter what kind of mood I am in, give me one health song and a group of women and I am full of joy, I’m pretty sure a well done health song could raise me from the dead, its that powerful. The day continued to be solid, after much singing and many injections I got a sweet ride back home. Our hospital has a motorbike that they use for conducting outreaches and the like. It is Peace Corps policy that volunteers are strictly prohibited from riding motorbikes of any sorts, in fact it’s an administrative separation offense, meaning, they will send your ass home if they catch you on a motorbike. Initially I very much towed the line with policy but given time and my personality…..As its against policy to get on a motor bike (or as called in tonga, jinga ya mutu….bike of fire, which gets me every time) I would “never” do such a thing. But if I had gotten a ride home on the back of said motorbike, I can “imagine” it would have been amazing and indescribably fun. The village I was in Chimgondo is up in the hills a bit, so you come down through these lush hills and get this amazing view of the area. “Had” I done such a thing I would have loved it.....
It’s incredibly hot now and muggy beyond reasonable imagination, I hope it rains soon…..
A couple hours later…..
It hasn’t rained. So muggy, I just hope it rains before this evening, as muggy nights don’t make for the best sleep. I need to stop eating mangoes, delicious though they may be; they aren’t the food of choice when you can’t stray far from a chim. That having been said I think that particular issue is on the wane and by tomorrow whatever O to F (I know it should be F to O but for one reason or another, dyslexia??? I always think of it as O to F) bacterium I picked up should be cleared from the body. But mangoes, I can’t resist. I missed the best of mango season while in South Africa and they are soon to be gone for sometime so I have to get them while I can, even if it’s not in my best interest. Clearly I haven’t done a whole lot today but I think I’ve adult pooped my pants enough for this lifetime so it seemed best to just hang around the house with Uchi and not take any chances.
Uchi reminds me of our epic journey home, which I feel deserves a mention. But before I begin that compelling story, can I just say what an awesome dog Uchi is. I’m looking at her right now, she’s taking a little dog nap, damn she’s cute. As a fellow volunteer pointed out she looks just like Santa’s Little Helper, except in my opinion cuter, but its an apt description. And so big now who would have thought that such a stunted little creature could get so sleek and shiny. Really she’s not a big dog but based on her starting point she’s grown exponentially. I should weigh her at under five tomorrow so I can give you a better idea of how big she is. Its hard not to love Uyu, she’s like a dog goodwill ambassador, everyone loves her, as they should. She’s taking to sleeping on the bed with me, something that I normally don’t encourage but she picked up the habit in Lilongwe as I was either sleeping on the floor or near to the ground making me easily accessible and I won’t lie, there were some tough moments in Lilongwe and I needed a little dog cuddle and now the damage is done. I don’t mind her on the bed with me but damn her little body radiates a lot of heat, and mosquito netting makes it a bit of a tight squeeze. This reminds me that this morning after I had successfully fallen asleep post chim trauma, I was woken preemptively due to the fact that Uchi fell off the bed and was trapped in the mosquito netting. Annoying though it was to be woken up after successfully combating my rogue lower GI, she was pretty cute.
So back to the journey home. Now that Uchi isn’t a tiny puppy anymore travel with her isn’t quite as easy as it used to be. Although chickens and goats are most welcome on the Axa, dogs are not. I could have potentially thwarted the issue by putting Uyu in a box but that would have meant so many tiresome steps. Finding the box, carrying it to the bus station, the list goes on and on. So I figured I would just put her on my back and use my powers of persuasion. I wanted to catch the first Axa up the lakeshore road which leaves around 7AM and I heard that it had been filling up real fast so it was best to get there early. That having been said I woke up at around half four, as I needed to swing by the office and do some last minute things via email and I figured by the time I got my shit together, got to the office, and then hiked to the bus station it would be anywhere between six and half six. Let me say that every time I travel I swear I’m going to pack lighter but this time I mean it. Really I didn’t think I had that much stuff with me, I left a bunch of things I had collected over the last two months at the Peace Corps office to come up via Peace Corps transport that was coming the following week. I was down to my little chitenge bag and one small duffel and Uchi, all of which I thought would be manageable. And perhaps it would have been had I not been sitting on my ass for a month and not using my right arm all that much. I’m not sure how far the bus station is from the Peace Corps office, but I feel comfortable using the word, pilgrimage. Uchi walked on a lead down to the office but after I finished my work there it was wrapping time. Granted I could have wrapped her at the bus station but my wrapping skills aren’t super solid and an audience would not have helped. In fact there was a moment there at the office, all alone at 5:45 AM, running a little behind schedule, where I thought I might fail in getting her wrapped. But praise be I pressed on and succeeded, which is no small task, wrapping Uchi at this point is far more difficult than a child. So we set off and let me tell you by the time I got to the bus station I was pretty sure I might die. It was hot and humid, I had this dog on my back and duffle bag in hand. The duffle bag proceeded to rub a big raw spot on the back of my right leg and left a nasty bruise. So I get there bruised, bleeding, and sweating like a pig with a dog on my back and boldly walk to board the bus, where of course I am told, I can’t get on with the dog. I can imagine that better volunteers than myself may have given up or at least cried at that point but I found strength I didn’t know I had. To be fair a huge part of that “strength” came from the fact that I didn’t think I could make the walk back to the office which is where I would have gone, as my back up plan was to hitch with another volunteer coming up this way, it just wasn’t an option at that point, there was only one way forward and that was on that bus. I pulled powers of persuasion out of the hat that had never before manifested to that degree and after half an hour of using all forms of reason and logic, flattery, and ultimately begging and pleading, we got on the bus. It is notable that while doing all this cajoling a small (and by small I mean around twenty people strong) crowd had assembled to watch the asungu with the dog try to get on the bus, this was another source of my determination, there was no way I was going to walk through this massive crowd of people with the shame of rejection weighing me down along with the dog and katundu. I even used this as one of my bargaining chips with the Axa manager, “please abambo if you make me get off the bus all these people will laugh at me and I’ll be so embarrassed”. It was standing room only but I was at least able to put down the evil duffel bag which was sweetest of sweet relief. And then came the second challenge. This had never happened in my presence but Vanessa gave me the heads up as she was the last one to travel with Uchi; apparently Uchi gets car sick now. And really I can’t blame her, its not a smooth or pleasant ride by public transport. So I have this dog tied to my body, who is salivating as though all the fluids in her body are making a mass exodus via her mouth, on a very crowded bus that I was only able to board by insisting that my dog was exceptionally healthy. I knew she could vomit at anytime and that it was only a matter of time until said embarrassing episode ensued. Thankfully after an hour or so of standing and thinking nothing but, don’t throw up, don’t throw up, this kind gentleman named George offered me his seat at the way back of the bus. George’s act although heroic in my opinion was not altogether altruistic as he wanted to make me his girlfriend but that’s not unusual and he wasn’t a creep about it. He was a decent guy for sure, when Uchi finally did vomit, he didn’t seem particularly troubled and he even let her rest half of her body on his lap in the latter part of our journey, so really I applaud his tenacity, that’s a lot of trouble to go to for a phone number. So, many thanks to the kind manager at Axa who finally let me on the bus and to George who made my bus ride much more comfortable; and a nod to my and Uchi’s strength and tenacity as well, it was a long trip but we were triumphant and never had home looked so good.
Can I also mention how excited I was to see my blankie. Even though it’s only back up blankie, it’s the only blankie I have now. I thought about blankie a fairish few times while out of site and regretted not having him with me but it was a joyous reunion. I am not sure what will happen when I am reunited with the one and only blankie, my truest of true loves, who is currently safely stowed away at the Aziz’s, it may be too much for me to handle. I am thinking about how blankie smells right now, it’s a calming and pleasing thought. I am such a freak but you couldn’t get me to change anything about my unhealthy relationship with blankie, as you all well know, its one of the most sacred relationships I have, you couldn’t pry blankie from my cold dead hands I pity the fool who would try.
Same day, late evening…..
And still no rain. Oh sweet humidity, its going to be a long night. I should invest in fan. I’m a fool for not having done so while in Lilongwe when there was plenty of opportunity but I figured I made it through hot season so the worst was over and I would just get a fan next hot season, oh the foolishness. Although hot season is technically over and we have moved onto rainy season and soon enough will make the transition to cold season I should have remembered that rainy season is a muggy son of a bitch and cold season is a misnomer. But the sweltering weather is providing the impetus for this super blogging that is taking place as I otherwise would be enjoying the sweet sanctuary of sleep, so we can all be thankful for small favors. I hope I wake up feeling rested as tomorrow is a busy day at the hospital. It’s the supplementary feeding program (SFP) day as well as antiretroviral therapy program day, meaning lots of people, lots of paper work and the like. I like Fridays, Fridays and Mondays are perhaps my favorite days at the hospital……
1-27-10
Friday was not a busy day, it rained. Not a downpour which I actually really like but more of what I would describe as a steady rain. But it was enough to shut down all operations at the hospital. Hardly anybody came; clients and employees. So what did I do with myself, all dressed up with nowhere to go, prepared for a busy day and suddenly nothing to do. While a more productive person might have made work at the hospital, I came home and proceeded to “write” what you might call the beginnings of a short story. Yeah that’s right I’ve been doing some writing in my quiet moments, not just this scintillating blog you’re reading, but a touch of the journaling and now onto creative writing. Oh its drivel, I don’t have any illusions of having talent but I like the idea of being able to write and in all fairness I never really try, so I figured if I was going to say I couldn’t write because I’m not talented I should at least give it the old college try. Val you can rest assured that I did not use the word soul at any point in my fumbling attempts at writing, so I suppose that in and of itself is some small victory. I’ve been enjoying my own personal creative writing seminar that I’ve had going for the past week or so. I had some guilt (and by some I mean a substantial amount ) about taking time to sit around and write nonsense when I should say be doing something a bit more productive and meaningful to my community but when am I not feeling slightly guilty about something. I should take this opportunity to point out that some of my creative outpourings having manifested themselves by way of mix CD, and a lucky few of you (I think you know who you are) will be receiving said CD (there are actually two, yeah that’s how artistic I’ve been feeling) some months from now. I’m actually listening to it now, just to test it out, and I must say I’m pleased, I think it really speaks to my time here. I might need to do a little fine tuning but yeah its good stuff. It’s in the same style as the future doctors mix, so enjoy my message of love to you.
So Friday not busy. I did indeed run out of toilet paper which was an adventure unto itself, thankfully I went to visit Courtney not long after and swiped a role from her house, so crisis averted. I need to go to town and go shopping next week, aside from toilet paper I’ve been craving peanut butter, damn I would power through a PB and J right now….. This week has actually been pretty busy and the good sort of busy where you feel like you just might be accomplishing something. I had my first community meeting where I didn’t feel like a complete bumbling fool. It was for the group that wants to build the under five shelter and really they want it to be more of a community health resource center. It might be a bit of an under taking but I’m excited, the HSA whose in charge of that area has most certainly got his shit together and for christ sake the community has been trying to get this thing done for two years now and they’re still up for it. I guess what happened was that Alex’s parents were going to put up the money but then pulled out because of the economic downturn. So now I just need to figure out which grant to apply for and then master grant writing.
In other exciting and productive news, I met with my girls group on Sunday and it rocked my world. There were around thirty girls who came and damn, the girls who got this thing started are awe inspiring. Maudalitso was teaching this week, the topic, violence against women. All of the girls at the heart of this are exceptional but Maudalitso is in a class of her own. That girl has a charisma that blows me away, when she’s up there speaking, you have to listen to her, she’s impassioned and convicted and you can feel it in everything that she says, she’s a born orator for sure. This Sunday we’ll be discussing HIV/AIDS. I’ll be doing a small presentation and some hope kit activities with them, lets hope for the best. One I haven’t had my week long hope kit training yet so who knows if I’ll be able to handle it and two I am not a born orator but that aside I’m looking forward to it. I’m also in the process of investigating getting them registered as a CBO, apparently there have been some changes with the process but it should be an easy enough procedure. I’m hoping that Dwambazi’s community extension agent, who should be in Nkhotakota tomorrow, can pick up the forms for me at the District Assembly, saving me a trip and getting the forms here before our next meeting.
In fact aside from tomorrow, I have something scheduled outside of work at the hospital for just about everyday before I go for my hope kit training. We are indeed having the training, I called Cornelius, (the second in command for health sector) today and confirmed. I’m not in love with heading out for a long week but actually the timing is good in some sense. Based on the meetings I’m having in the community I need to be a busy grant writing beaver here ASAP which is something I need to be in Lilongwe to do, so that works out well. And of course GLOW, we need to make sure we don’t drop the ball on this one and in fact its time to start soliciting funds for GLOW. Vanessa (my tonga sister) is the finance coordinator so I thought we could put in some serious GLOW grant writing time while in Lilongwe. My immediate task as program coordinator is to contact all potential speakers after hope kit and see who’s still on board from last year and confirm new additions for this year’s program, wish me luck.
Presently I am glistening with sweat. Its eight PM, I’m sitting on my bed typing, all windows open, back door open, and I am damp all over. It’s been unreasonably hot and not a whole lot of rain, which doesn’t bode well, although I’ve heard that most people have a maize surplus from last year, so even if we do experience a prolonged drought there shouldn’t be mass hunger but holding off starvation isn’t really the best case scenario. It just isn’t raining, Friday was the last day it rained (today’s Wednesday) and again it wasn’t the typical wet season downpour and it only rained in the morning. There should be torrential downpours daily, hopefully we’ll get to it sooner rather than later. Even though people have maize saved it still would be horrendous to have an entire crop go to shit and it would mean that if next years crop was bad there would be a crisis situation.
I should be sleeping now, I’m tired as the sweet sweet heat has been making sleep a challenge and as sleeping in just isn’t an option here. That having been said Lilongwe got me off my half five wake up schedule, I still wake up around then but I’ve been able to go back to sleep for an hour or so after, and to my surprise I’ve actually slept till past six on multiple occasions. I write about the most exciting things…..
Vicotry!!! Peter started school I finally managed to get him to go into school with me so we could talk with his teacher. It’s been a lengthy endeavor but I think we’re on the path to success. The teachers I’ve met so far both at the primary and secondary schools have been pretty rad people and Peter’s teacher was no exception and he said he’d keep me abreast of Peter’s progress so that makes me feel good. But fear not there is still plenty of Peter in my life, as Peter’s only in standard two his school day ends around noon which leaves plenty of time to be here.
This is something I would normally leave for ye old journaling but as I’m sleep deprived and writing in a spectacularly disjointed fashion anyway, why not? I picked up a little girl of about three yesterday and put her on my hip and as I stood there with her I could feel Sam. It was beyond remembering, I could feel the weight of his body against my own. I think of remembering as something the mind does, but the body has a memory of its own and I was struck by that. I know nothing of being a mother but I had this absolute certainty that a mother’s body never forgets the feel of its children. There was a tightness in my chest and an ache that caught me off guard. I think of Sam and Ben, Kim and Mike all the time, they are part of my memory and part of my life, I’m accustomed to missing them or taking comfort in my reflections on the times we shared but this was something beyond that, it left me at a loss. I shifted the little girl to my back in the fashion that Malawian mothers carry their babies and ran back and forth in front of my house shouting “Synabo, wana wangu” (Synabo my baby), and spinning around in circles to the great amusement of the usual suspects of children clustered on my porch and to Synabo. All I could hear was laughter.
1-28-10
It started raining early this morning, a steady rain that ebbs and flows from drizzle to heavy. It makes for a lazy day, hospital empty and no one out and about. That’s something I noticed immediately about the rain, the silence it brings with it. Normally my house is filled with sounds of people chatting or just greeting one another in passing but when the rains come all I hear is the sound of the rain on my tin roof. It’s a comfortable quiet producing a soothing feeling that washes over you. I’m basking in it at the moment.
I did have a few visitors this morning. Peter dropped by around sixish to tell me he was going to school, I normally don’t do early morning visitors but in this case I’m more than willing to make an exception. I watched him walk off to school in the rain and was pleased. I got back into bed and finished The Unaccustomed Earth giving into the languor of this quiet morning. After making a little breakfast for myself and Uchi, my second cup of coffee and cigarette, Ama Chimbuto dropped by. I tell you, she always catches me at the most inopportune times, meaning various states of disrobement. I was in my nighty shirt, my old tattered wife beater that used to belong to the boyfriend of Pesa, a girl I knew from treatment and a pair of Hanes boxers, that more closely resemble loose fitting briefs, listening to music and putting the final touches on mix CD number two. Ama Chimbuto knocks but it’s not done as a request so much as a heads up, I’m coming in, its just Ama Chimbuto’s way.
Of recently Sauda has become frightened of me which breaks my heart as she was my little friend prior to my departure but she’s at that object permanence stage so being left with anyone is not her greatest joy right now least of all the strange pale one. Since my return, nearly every time Sauda has seen me, her wee face just falls and the crying ensues, so Ama Chimbuto brings her by at least once a day to help her readjust to me. Hence in they came this morning while I struggled to throw a chitinge on. This is why I love Ama Chimbuto she just laughs, asks if I’m wearing shorts, removes my chitenge looks my bear legs up and down, gives me the old hand slap and starts chatting away. Its interesting in some sense it’s an exceptionally modest culture; trousers can be scandalous and shorts on women or anything exposing the sensual knee unheard of but I get the feeling amongst women there is a certain comfort and freedom.
As much as legs are indecent and enticing the breast is out and about at all times. If you are holding a baby or have a toddler within a long arms reach you can have your breast out all day long. You can have entire conversations with women where one breast is
is just swinging free.
Same day later in the evening…
Freddy came by and as I had to get up to chat I figured I might as well get my shit together and get on with my day. I had to go to Tikumbo, to my friend Mel’s site, to pick up her hope kit for my meeting on Sunday. I had been thinking I needed to get going for sometime as the rain had stopped making it an opportune time to take transport but I was enjoying my special blogging time and we all know I’m a bit lazy so I kept putting off the arduous task of getting up, putting on clothes, and walking out the door.
I had a pleasant trip to Tikumbo, I just started walking down the road and figured I’d either catch a hitch or just get on a matola depending on what came first, the weather, and my mood. Humidity aside, it’s really a very beautiful time of the year and today was exceptionally nice. There was a coolness and freshness to the air that has been sorely lacking and was much appreciated. It was invigorating walking along the road, not a car in sight, the shockingly lush hills that still surprise me with their greenness made even more beautiful today by the low hanging rain clouds that drifted over. I ended up taking a matola, riding on top of crates of beer stacked one on top of the other. For one reason or another it was only men on this particular matola, my guess would be as the matola was full of supplies for stocking a larger grocery/bottle shop, that it was a business owner and his friends. But they were cool guys who after greetings and a little getting to know you chit chat we rode in comfortable silence and the conductor remembered me, I won’t lie its nice when people remember you fondly. It was a fast matola and as I sat perched above the bed of the truck on my beer crates watching the lake, houses, and people fly past, the rush of cool air got my thinking about riding roller costers as a kid and my mind wandered and I felt incredibly lucky and very much alive.
I was a little later getting back then I would have liked. It was the sort of situation that Peace Corps safety and security director Hector gives dire warning against, heading out for home not long before dark but I knew I’d find a ride and indeed I did. This time I sat up front and chatted with the driver, a really nice guy named Martin. When I got back Peter and his little cousin Wadi (Wellington but everyone calls him Wadi) came running down the path to greet me. They ran past an old woman who yelled at them where did they think they were running to and it pleased me that I understood her scolding. I asked Peter if he was worried that I wasn’t coming back, he just smiled, asked if he could take my bag, and we walked back home.
2/1/10
Val this ones for you….We could fuck all night….And maybe go to waffle house!!!!!! I’m actually singing along to this little ditty right now, and by right now I mean I just was belting it out, we all know that I couldn’t sing and type at the same time. It never fails to put a smile on my face when I hear this magical number. I so clearly remember being in the lesi-ru, driving down 33rd on the way to school, listening to the mix you made me and being overcome by the sheer magic of your genius. And then calling to leave you a rambly message about how amazing you are, hard to believe that was years ago, huh?
If you couldn’t gather, I’m sitting around listening to music, taking a little trip down memory lane. I’m also eating some delicious ba (porridge) pondering why I don’t eat all day and then shove anything and everything in my face come the end of the day, it’s a problem. First thing I am going to do in Lilongwe is get some chicken and nsima and then steak and rice at Amenia’s and lots of mphangwe, I miss the shit out greens right now, I can’t even tell you. Although greens may be absent from the market, it is avocado season and that is pretty magical.
I’ll be leaving for Lilongwe at the end of the week and as much angst as I had over leaving so soon after coming back, I’ve made my piece with it. I have work I need to get done in Lilongwe anyway, with this health resource center, GLOW, and my girls group and my counterpart is coming to the training with us, so he can verify to the community that I was on official Peace Corps business. I think it might be good for credibility as well to have to leave but then to come back when I am supposed to. I am having some stress about leaving my Uyu. I know Ama Bai and Charity will look after her fine and she is liked in the community but ten days is along time for her to be alone, I worry she’ll go feral without my love and support. I know she’ll be okay, I’m just being a freak. I wish I could bring her but alas I think her major traveling days are behind her. I’ll try to take her on some small trips, just so she doesn’t lose her good traveling skills but with the house being closed in Lilongwe its become much more difficult for me to bring her with me. I suppose if I’m feeling too soft about Uchi I could reflect back on the nightmarish episode from a few nights ago, when the little bastard vomited on the bed.
It was the first cool night in awhile and I was all geared up to sleep through the night undisturbed by sweltering heat. And at first it seemed I would succeed until I awoke to that god forsaken sound dogs make before they puke, it’s not the most pleasant way to wake up, simultaneously nauseated by the horrific sound and filled with an unwanted jolt of adrenaline. I tossed her on the floor where she proceeded to be sick, I was forced out of bed to attend to the mess, I fell back asleep, she puked again. Upon returning to bed for what I thought was the final time I realized that there was an uncomfortable dampness by my feet, as I got out of bed to change my sheets I could have killed her. Bless her I know it wasn’t her fault and I didn’t get angry at her or anything but as I scrubbed the vomit out of my sheets the next day, I pondered what is this thing called love?
I went over to the hospital tonight to return a phone I was charging and to see Ada Oswald as he’s sick with malaria, (its kicking his ass for sure, but he’s on the road to recovery). I realized I’d never really been to the hospital after dark. I suddenly remembered the night I arrived at site for site visit, probably the last time I was at the hospital under the cover of darkness. I got a ride from someone at the district hospital but we were late in leaving Nkhotakota so we got here after dark. The driver didn’t know which house was mine, so we drove up to the hospital to find someone who could claim me. I just remember the light of one candle in this incredibly unknown place. Tonight it was pleasant and familiar, I walked back to my house thinking how much I like being out at night here. There are these omnipresent light bugs, I remember when Vanessa, Jeremy and I first discovered them on Kande Beach during language intensive. We were so enthralled, and really I still am. Often as I’m lying in bed trying to fall asleep I’ll see the on and off again light of one of my little friends blinking at me from my mosquito netting, it always makes me happy.
Clearly I am in a reflective sort of a mood this evening. Maybe I’m just basking in the glow of having been here long enough to have perspective. It will be interesting to see where I’m at in another six months. I can’t imagine where I’ll be at the end of my two years of service and there’s freedom and openness in that, that’s at once terrifying and beautiful. I think it speaks to certain failings that there’s so little clarity in my life at this point in the game but also to having maybe done something right. Maybe I’ll be here working, maybe I’ll be in grad school, perhaps I’ll be doing the traveling I’ve always wanted to or maybe I’ll just be home, stowed away in Kim and Mike’s basement. Maybe I’ll be unimaginably happy, satisfied in my work and purpose, or perhaps I’ll be discontent chewing over the same unanswered questions. I get the feeling that this may be the last point in my life where I can look into my future and see such ambiguity. Very deep and dramatic isn’t, I’m a strange one, aren’t I. But I’m amused by myself and my musings, I’m smiling right now, and at the end of the day, isn’t that what’s important?
2-3-10
Sometimes I almost believe in divine providence. As you know I have been spending a lot of time thinking about greens; how delicious they are, how they nourish as well as bring joy, and how much I miss the happiness they bring me. Yesterday I was thinking about greens more than ever. I woke up to a lack of power, which is no big deal, power comes and goes. Sundays are normally no power days and any other day power is out in the morning you can expect it back on by the afternoon. But yesterday the power did not come back on in the afternoon and hunger was setting in. I had gone to the grumpy hungry place so eating at someone else’s house seemed like a bad idea, so I settled for just waiting it out. And who should appear at my door but L’Sungu one of Ama Chimbuto’s daughters bearing a container full of nsima and a bowl full of greens. I could have wept with joy, in that moment I felt I understood the phrase my cup runth over, that was the happiness I felt. I suspect Ama Chimbuto saw Peter and I attempting to cook over fire and felt an intervention was necessary and she couldn’t have been more right.
And those delicious greens of Ama Chimbuto’s weren’t the only greens in my life, no no, it gets better. That very same morning coming back from the hospital I ran into Tsokalawo who had a large bunch of greens in her hand. She asked if I knew what they were, (turned out it was okra), and that I should come by the next day and cook them with her. Thus today I found myself eating yet another exquisite meal of greens and nsima plus somba (fish). I can’t tell you how much nsima I ate with Tsokalawo, it took me back to my homestay days when I was the nsima eating queen… Its been an eating couple of days, not sure why but I have been ravenous of late. I just devoured a giant bowl of ba, my second one today, and am now having what I consider a very Malawian moment. As per usual its hot and extremely muggy, I’ve just eaten a bowl of hot porridge and am now washing it down with some hot chocolate, all the while sweating like a pig. The eating and drinking of scalding hot foods and beverages in intense heat is a way of life. The other day I was having tea with Ama Chipalasa and Charity. It was around nine in the morning and probably close to 90 degrees, 120% humidity and were seating there drinking this scorching hot tea, fanning ourselves as we’re sweating profusely and saying kufunda ukongwa masanwale, (its very hot today) as if the fiery hot tea had no impact on our steadily rising body temperature, I had to laugh.
I should continue writing as there’s ever so much more I want to get down before I leave and as I leave for Lilongwe Friday and tomorrow is a busy day between work and prepping for leaving, (we all know I couldn’t live with myself if I left without the house meticulously in order) tonight in theory should be the night to tidy up the blog. Alas I don’t think I am going to get much further this evening…..
2-4-10
I believe I am prepped and ready for travel. I looked over my pre-departure to do list today and damned if I don’t have about 95% of things completed, look at me go I am so productive. It’s a tough time to leave, yesterday I was thinking about how comfortable I was and how my routine felt right. I hate to mess with a good thing but I’ve got big plans for Lilongwe so it should all work out.
I feel like most of what I have written this past three weeks borders on inane. There’s a lot about my life here that I feel at a loss to explain but I wish I could. I worry that what I write is more fluff than substance and for that I apologize. I’m not sure how someone reading this would picture my life here or how they would envision Malawi. I hope I am doing justice to my community and really the country in general but I fear that perhaps I am not. Just know that it’s so much more than what I manage to get out.
